The Ghosts Between Us
by cdrsheppard
Summary: Post 'The Shrine,' S5. Sheppard and McKay crash on an alien moon. McKay has to keep it together and keep Sheppard alive while they await rescue.Carson assists in a most unexpected way. Heavy Shep Wump, McKay is pushed to his limit. Some Shep & Weir Ship.
1. Chapter 1

The Ghosts Between Us:

Chapter 1

He didn't want to move. He felt heavy and fixed as if he was a part of the substrate beneath. Subtle colors of wakefulness teased for his eyes to open, but gravity was still too strong. He lay on the edge of his twilight blade for a short time, hearing confused thoughts gibber and fade until finally giving way to his basic wants. '_If I could only sleep a little longer_, _it's so cold_; _the blanket... must have slipped off. Must be somewhere_….' He tried to turn over but something was in his way. '_Not_ _fair! It's not!_ _That damned_ _alarm_! _Why now? If there's a God, and I highly doubt it, make it stop!' _Drifting closer to the surface of his dream, he pushed out with his arms, still meeting resistance. _'Make it stop!'_He groaned. His hands reached up to his head.The stark ear splitting tone kept screeching on without wavering.

Rodney usually slept with abandon, sprawled out over the entire bed. It was the only time he could really let go of being self conscious of his personal space. He loved to sleep but his work always took precedent and often robbed him of the pleasure.

He pushed out again, struggling against his unseen foe. _"Whhaat! Move!"_ He yelled out, thrashing his body back and forth. Frustrated, he blindly kicked out at the obstacle in a determined jerk. His foot smacked hard up against his unknown nemesis, still refusing to yield. '_Aoowww!...What's burning…smells… that smell! He set the city on fire! That's the last time…last time I let Zelenka anywhere near an electrical panel...That's it! Why should I try to sleep when?'_

His eyes flew open to a cross hatch of black netting above him. It took a moment to register … '_Whhat the? Where am ...' _His bleary gaze filtered down to his feet. Focusing clearer now, he saw the familiar bronze metal paneling diffused through a haze of smoke that could only be the inside of a puddle jumper. The rubber mat under him came away from his face with an adhesive smack as he slowly tried to lift his head. "Uh...oh no..." He said as he realized the jumper was on its side ever so slightly with its nose tipped down. He was half wedged under a bench seat, surrounded by various objects that once were stowed away tight. The light was dim, shining from above: two, stark halogen beams. His eyes squinted as he tried to adjust.

"_Emergency…lights…Alarm….What the hell" _He whispered, feeling the air knocked out of his center_. _Within seconds, he realized that his head was aching. A sharp throb of pain kept pace with his heart, pulsing faster as he sat all the way up. The caustic scent of what seemed to be charred plastic and god knows what made him cough. Irritated by the bleak sensations assailing him he focused on the closest source. He punched the utility panel next to his side and squelched the alarm. Looking around the rear compartment he tried to recall what it all meant, images falling into place…'_We crashed?!...Am I hurt? Can't remember…'_

Rodney's jumbled thoughts picked up the pace as his eyes quickly moved over his stiff body searching for evidence of injury… '_We were heading somewhere…to the moon by M378…? An old outpost…energy readings were good…' _His thought immediately sheared off course as his eyes processed the new information before him_. _"Oh, GOD! I'm bleeding!" He blurted out into the small space. The sound echoed briefly. Rodney's hand came back from his ankle wet with congealing blood. Holding it up to his face, the panic was about to force a cry out of him when he realized it was cold. He quickly pulled up his leg only to find his trouser cuff wet with the ominous sign. '_I'm ok, but who's …' _He thought_. _Looking down again, he could see the deep red slick fingering a narrow line toward the dark cockpit. Rodney stopped breathing as he remembered he had not been alone. The fore shield that normally protected them had been violently shattered from its frame. A twisted tree trunk of some kind jutted half way into the jumper on the co-pilot side, littering the cabin with mossy debris... Blood, now seemingly black in the evening light, glistened like dirty motor oil as it tipped and streaked the pilot's seat and controls. The chair was empty save for a scrap of dark fabric, wet and impaled on a jagged barb of metal. The atmosphere crushed in suddenly, strangling the last bit of air in Rodney's lungs as the horrific reality became clear,"Sheppard! "

Rodney threw himself forward to the dash, now covered in sanguine spattered fragments. He ignored the pain of the crystal shards cutting into his palms as he pulled himself up to look out. Just below, he could see the crumpled outline of a man in the translucent fog. _"Oh No, No…Sheppard! Sheppard! Can you _hear me?"He yelled_,_ his words unheard in the damp air. No response. Rodney began to tremble with terror, his thoughts choking him...'God _No! He looks dead…He can't be dead! NO!' _He bolted for the back of the jumper and pulled the emergency release. The door cracked open, but fell forward with the pitch of the vessel. Adrenaline surging, Rodney fought back with both hands, pushing out with all his might…"Open! Open you piece of crap!"He screamed, straining his throat_. _The door gave way and fell from its hinge, crashing with a boggy splash. Rodney scrambled out and through the shallow sludge that surrounded the jumper, fighting the pull of the mud with each step.

Rodney arrived so fast, he nearly fell on top of the quiet form that lay face down before him. Sheppard rested silently in an unnatural repose upon the slimy bank, his lower torso and legs splayed awkwardly in the frigid water. The unforgiving metallic smell of blood mixing with the stench of decaying plant matter seemed to permeate his broken body. Rodney couldn't tell in the dim light if he was breathing but reached out, gagging down his fear. "He's dead…he looks dead…this isn't happening…can't be real..." He said with a disembodied voice of shock.

Rodney's hands were unprepared for the actuality of what touching this nightmare might be like…his fingers were almost hot against the skin of his friend, strange and as cold like the descending darkness. He touched Sheppard's forearm, bare and caked with mud. His skin felt firm and cold like stone…."Sheppard! " Rodney cried, frantically fearing the worst_. _No response. 'I'm _not ready for this John, I'm not! Don't leave me alone. Please…' _He wailed out in his mind.

Rodney felt the panic engulfing him as he remembered Carson lecturing him on basic first aid. '_If I had only paid more attention! I am not a __**doctor **__doctor!_ _For God's sake_, I_ don't know how…please John…come back…_'He thought, shaking as he fought on. '_Focus McKay! If you have ever made anything important in your life count, this is it!' _He tried to go through what he remembered...'_Ok, I need a pulse!_ 'He felt Sheppard's neck, searching…'_There has to be a pulse! Damn it John! Where is it?!...nothing…' _He pressed deeper under his jaw_. 'Wait, maybe….' _A very weak back beat met his fingers, so fast it was barely there. _"Oh, thank you God! Thank you John!"_ He whispered to himself as tears of gratitude ran down his fearful face . Desperation made his thoughts more coherent and his mind locked onto the challenge. 'Now_ what? I have to move him, turn him over? Crap! I'm not supposed to move him! But I have too! Damn you Carson!'_

Rodney remembered his head set and gave it a try… _"_Atlantis, this is McKay, Come in! Mayday! Atlantis, Come in!" His plea was met with static feedback from the damaged jumper._ "_This is not ok! I need some help! Atlantis, come in! Mayday! Any one!!" He could see the emergency transponder light flickering in the open cockpit._ 'The transponder…it's sending a signal. At least we have that.' _He thoughtas he furiously wiped the tears and sweat from his face. Looking at Sheppard, he knew he had to do something quickly if they were to survive. The light was almost gone and a icy wind started to pick up.

His feet were numb and saturated as he heard Carson in his head, rolling out his Scottish syllables; "Rodney, pay attention! You need to check for an airway! Remember, ABC? "

'_Oh, God! ' _Rodney snapped back to the moment. '_I got it wrong! Airway, breathing, circulation! Not Pulse first! Crap! He's face down! I have to turn him! THINK! Carson said if you have to move someone, move them in one piece.' _Angry but too freaked out to berate himself, Rodney climbed up the slippery bank. He crouched by his friend's immobile head, noticing his striking black hair, now wet and matted down. He bravely held Sheppard by the shoulders and turned him on his side in one clean, slow motion. As Rodney's knee supported his head, he sighed as Sheppard's face became visible. Eyes closed, blood and algae graphically coated his slack, traumatized face.

With an honest grimace, Rodney hesitantly put his finger in his friend's mouth, making sure it was clear. '_God damn it John! I am so sorry_…' A small amount of blood and saliva trickled out but that's all. '_Oh God, I can't…believe I am doing this…please breathe_...' With no evidence of further imagined horrors, he completed the turn and gingerly put him on his back. He carefully opened John's mouth and leaned in, hoping for something. Shallow and faint, it was there. He was breathing. To convince himself, Rodney put his hand on John's chest, feeling the fragile rise and fall that would shutter every so often. "This is good….your alive, and that's really good….it's a start…"Rodney said with a shaky voice. "John, can you hear me? Its McKay...John, wake up!" Rodney tried again with more volume, tapping his face_…"John…."_ Nothing. Rodney exhaled with a whimper, realizing he had to get him under cover somehow. Frightened, Rodney stood up and pulled his arms tight around himself as he tried to reason the next step. His body was still thrumming with adrenaline. The wilderness seamed to stretch out with a blackening hostility. Scared but not defeated, Rodney visually plotted his path to safety then bent back down.

'_Forgive me Sheppard.'_ He thought as he tried not to recall the dire complications that Carson had drilled into him when he had asked about moving the injured. Regret on his face, he carefully pulled John up under his arms, buckling slightly as he moved him onto his shoulders. Rodney's legs, braced with life and death determination, pushed forward as he followed the bank the few treacherous yards back to the jumper. The hatch had fallen just so to make an acceptable bridge over the water. With great effort, he slowly entered and painstakingly placed John down softly onto the metal deck. He placed a small seat cushion under John's head and rechecked his breathing. "Still breathing. Small miracles… " He pulled the rear hatch up onto its hinge catch and managed to fight it closed again. He was feeling the wet and cold now too, his skin ridging with goose bumps. He needed to get them both warm. Sheppard's blood now coated Rodney's tee shirt and hands. The awareness of this grim fact made him nauseated but he tried to block it out. '_Mc Kay! You have to focus! Supplies! What do we have?'_

Rummaging around, he found three military wool blankets, a towel and a canteen of water. Strapped under the pilot seat, he spied the first-aid kit and broke it open. There was an ample supply of gauze, a bundle of field dressings, saline, antiseptic, various small tools and a few bottles. Setting them aside, he focused on the next task. His friend's wet clothing wasn't helping matters and he knew they had to go. His now manic trepidation rambled it's self out between his ears… '_Why is this happening? Now I have to strip him? Great! Fucking great! Shut up McKay! I don't want to see him naked...hell, I don't like to see myself naked…The one horrible time I get to strip someone… it's a guy, nearly dead...I am so screwed..Yeah, screwed up! You're doing this to help him! God, there's so much blood...Does he have any left? Deal with it! ' _

Rodney was deeply ashamed that he was feeling so petty but on a more honest level, he knew it was his way of coping. He wasn't proud of this, but he had never really learned how to respond to people without feeling like an outsider. Living in his head seemed to be the only solution he could relate to. Computers and physics made sense. People didn't. Any intimacy scared the hell out of him, but not as much as the present moment. _'If you were a bunch of wires or circuit relays I could deal, really…I am afraid, so afraid I am going to screw this up...I don't want to do this, damn it. Please don't die on me…God, what would John say…Snap out of it McKay! This isn't about you! Get your whiney ass in gear and just do this! Stay positive McKay! Yeah, he would say that…I have always hated that…He'd better not have any weird tattoos…' _He thought, trying to distract himself from the carnage..."OK, what next Carson?" Rodney asked aloud and numbly waited for an answer…

"Rodney! Get those wet things off!" Carson barked in his mind's eye…

He took a deep breath, afraid of what he was going to find. Meticulously, he worked the buttons on Sheppard's shirt with fearful hands, and slowly peeled off the acrid remnant, sticky with his life force... He let out a small sound as he saw a deep red contusion engulfing the entire right side of John's chest. Each rib left a mark on the skin from the inside. "Rodney! Keep it up lad! Don't stop now…" Carson whispered…

"God, Carson. How do you do this? "He said in disbelief. Cuts and abrasions were scattered along his neck and along his purple and very broken collar bone. The open wounds continued to rake down the full length of his abdomen, stopping short of his belt. Rodney winced as he attempted to tell how deep they were. It was blatantly apparent that they had bled profusely. Moving his dog tags aside, he noticed how John's right shoulder hung strangely. Rodney wiped him as clean as water and antiseptic would allow, patted him dry then wrapped his bare torso in a blanket and a foil emergency sheet. He started in on his boots, digging away the anaerobic clay to get to the laces. Rodney wrinkled his face at the stench... Once his feet were free, He removed his gun from his leg and slipped off his pants, being extra careful to leave his boxers on. There was an angry wet gash in his right lower leg which he rinsed out and placed a field dressing on. Some smaller bruises spread out around his knees.

Carson popped in again…"Good job Rodney! See, that wasn't so bad, was it lad?"

'_Bad for me or Sheppard?_ ' He wondered. Who knows what damage he had inflicted upon his unconscious friend… '_This is horrible! John is probably going to die and I'll be drug off by God knows what! Stop it! How many times has_ _Sheppard_ _saved your brilliant ass? Huh? Suck it up!_ 'Rodney tried not to hear them, but thoughts of death and the unknown kept knocking….Rodney finished by wrapping John's long legs with the second blanket and hung the dank clothes over the passenger seat. Not knowing quite what to do, he still surmised that Sheppard's face was going to need more work. He sat down next to him and with his meager medical arsenal and began to wipe away the mire, starting with John's temple.

"Gentle son, don't rush it. Nice and easy now..."

"I know Carson!" Rodney snapped out loud, then ducked back into his head… '_Yeah, I am screwed. No apparent head injury and I am the one talking to_ _myself, or someone...Carson,…man how I really wish you were here_…' Rodney refocused, wiping a little at a time, the pale skin beneath the filth revealed it's self and so did the injuries. Sheppard's right eye had turned dark and was sealed shut. His cheek was scraped and red down to his lips, the lower one split, blood still seeping down his chin. What worried Rodney was the wicked gash in his hairline that started to bleed all too quickly as he cleaned away the dirty crust that covered it. Nearly panicking, he grabbed a wad of gauze and hastily braced it to the wound, lashing it with a bandage around his forehead and through his blood smeared hair.

At this point, the headache and nausea he had been trying to ignore, threatened him with bodily harm. He turned away for a moment; opening his mouth just in case, but gained a last second reprieve. He moved away and stripped off his own shirt, damp and cold and replaced it with a spare he found in the storage locker. His blood sugar was in the toilet. Wrapping the last blanket around himself, he scrounged around for his data pad. It lay under a pile of odds and ends, and thankfully, a few Power bars. He cracked open a chocolate one and desperately finished it off in four distracted bites.

He looked back with uneasiness at Sheppard, who although was breathing quietly, still could pass for a dead man. He wished there was something more he could do for John, but he was already way out of his depth. Rodney was having a hard time trying to figure out how long they had been on the surface since the crash. They had some meager food and water, and a few impressive weapons, but that was it. Their radios were useless. He set up a few portable lights and killed the emergency ones to make things more tolerable. He needed to keep the jumper warm, but between his readings of the ship's damaged systems and the blown open cockpit, he knew that was not going to happen. Instead, he worked on adjusting the emergency beacon's signal strength. The night was enormous and foreign outside. This was a completely uncharted world save for a fractional mention in the database of a surface gate. Unfamiliar sounds chirped and buzzed in the distance. He couldn't bring himself to think about the locals…what ever they were, or if this was a Wraith vacation spot. He made sure he had a clear path to his weapons. The new environment had a very primordial feel to it, Rodney thought. Hopefully, not the Jurassic kind. He already had enough frightening things to stare down in the jumper.

He knew Atlantis could triangulate their position from their last transmission, but rescue would be a few days off at least. He also knew that Sheppard didn't have that kind of time. Then there was the issue of where in hell on this forsaken orb were they? He couldn't quite remember yet…They had been flying among a group of small moons near some kind of ancient outpost. Nothing else was coming to him. '_Maybe I do have a head wound.'_ He thought. A few cuts and scrapes on his face and hands were the only physical signs of his dilemma. That and an empty stomach. Sighing with exhaustion, he moved close to Sheppard, attempting not to disturb him, but trying to give him some body heat. Holding Sheppard's 9mil tight, he focused on his flickering data pad for any possibilities. There weren't many.

The sound was slow and feeble….making its way into his mind like a child tip toeing into a room at night…someone calling out. Someone needing help….Rodney opened his eyes and looked around the dark jumper. An odd frost was settling on the dash upfront and sparkled in the faint light. His watch noted he had been asleep for a few hours. With a flinch ready, he reluctantly looked over at John, lying still. '_I hope you're still with me….' _He thought as he reached over and felt his chest. '_Still breathing_.' Relief spread through him like a wave of warm water. Lying there like that, battered and barely alive, he looked smaller, less like a military leader and more like a boy… Sadness welled up within him as he watched his friend's breath go in and out. He had saved so many without personal gain. He had held Atlantis in the face of all odds, the Wraith, the Replicators, hell, the entire Pegasus galaxy. '_To die like this would be such a waste…You don't deserve this'… _Rodney thought quietly. He began to close his eyes, when he heard it again…a groaning..._'Crap! It's John! ' _He was saying something…Rodney lunged at his head, hovering close to hear…

"Lzz...bthhha…." The word came out from between his bruised lips in a shallow breath. Rodney froze, trying to make sense and then it came to him. John was calling for Elizabeth. John's eyes were still closed, but he could see his hand slightly extending…

'_Oh God, this is either very good or very bad….What if he's dying and she is calling out to him! Oh, shut up! No, what if he's just dreaming….What do I do?_'Rodney thought, his body tensing. It had been months since Elizabeth had finally passed through the gate and John had silently said his goodbyes. He had never really been the same since. He was more focused on his duties now and stayed away from most social situations. "John, can you hear me? It's McKay. John, are you with me buddy? John?"Rodney insisted. Overwhelmed with the desire to keep John in the moment, he broke character by putting his hand on Sheppard's.

John weakly turned his head to Rodney with eyes closed. In a labored breath he attempted to speak, "Rohhdeny? "

"Yeah, right here buddy, right here! Can you hear me? "Rodney asked urgently.

John took another breath in and expelled it weakly, "Yeahh, …huurrts….."

"I know. You're going to be alright. You have been hurt, help is on the way and I am here with you, so stay with me John, please…" Rodney squeezed John's hand. John gave a nod that was barely perceptible and fell quiet for a moment. Sweat beaded up on Rodney's forehead as he tried to think of what came next. "Carson! Help me! What do I do now?"He whispered_. _

"Keep him quiet Rodney. It is the only remedy you have right now…"

'_OK, I can do that! I can!' _He thought_, _answering himself_. _Several minutes passed in the dark jumper without a human sound. Rodney was afraid to move, wondering if John had fallen back to sleep.

As if sensing his attention, John shifted slightly and whispered, "Lizbeth…is shhhe here?"

Rodney felt his stomach drop as he swallowed. "Yeah John, she's with you. Try to sleep now…its ok." Feeling cruel and conflicted, Rodney felt the tears backing up in his eyes as he saw John go back under.

Rodney put his hand over his mouth, trying to ground himself. He felt a slight hysteria beginning to expand inside his head as the walls closed in. '_What am I going to do? John…we have to get out of_ _here…somehow_…' He slammed his eyes shut and focused on trying to not hyperventilate. The jumper was too small for his fears in the moment. His breathing relaxed eventually and he unconsciously moved closer to John. Still holding tight to John's side arm and his data pad, he started to run math equations in his head, disassociating from the hell of the moment. Hours passed, and although Rodney tried to sleep, he couldn't. Strange sounds bounced him in and out of the alien ethers for the rest of the night. John stayed still, almost too still for Rodney's comfort. There were too many ghosts around to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It seemed like only a moment ago that he was able to let himself welcome sleep. Rodney felt the warmth surround him and hoped it would stay. His body enjoyed the buttery embrace and didn't want to disturb it. It wasn't until his blanket started to provoke perspiration that he opened his eyes to view the cockpit and a deep yellow sun breaking through the extraterrestrial ridge beyond. His foggy mind chewed at the sight aimlessly until a hot pain slapped him back to the stink of the swamp outside. He yawned almost against his will. He slid his blanket aside but still felt something hot. The discomfort was coming from his leg. He snapped his attention to it. Fully present, he noticed it was against John's. He looked at John, now soaking wet and shivering with fever. '_Shit! This can't be happening!' _He placed his hand on John's face and pulled it back as if he had burned it. He was still unconscious and his pallor was a pasty gray... Rodney jumped up and pulled open the cooler nearby. There was a large canister of water and a six pack of Gatorade. He pulled them out and spilled the last of the med kit onto the floor. He grabbed a bottle of aspirin and some other drug he didn't recognize. Rodney didn't know much about treating sick people, but he did know that a fever meant fluids. He had to get fluids in him and hopefully that would help. '_It would help him or kill him_', He thought grimly. Rodney read the aspirin bottle and saw 'fever reducer' on the label. '_That could be good!_ 'But reading on he then saw, 'increases bleeding'. '_OK, that's bad. Well stick with the wet stuff'…_

There was no chance of an IV happening, so he had to think…'_Carson! I need to get him drinking! Help!' _Rodney pleaded in his head_. 'Think!' _He looked around and scavenged some duct tape and a foot length of 1/8" tubing from one of the electrical conduits.

"Rodney! Get the Gatorade! Mix it with thewater...Come on now!"Carson urged_._

Rodney had decided it was official. He was nuts and he was channeling Carson. '_Great! As long as it works.'_ He thought, wiping the sweat out of his eyes. '_How much of each Carson?' _

"Just do it Rodney!"The Scottishintonation spat out_._

'_Crap! Now my hallucination is yelling at me!'_

He settled for a 50/50 mix for the first round and fit the tubing into the cap of the Gatorade bottle. He gently lifted John's head up onto a higher bank of cushions. A low moan came from his mouth and his left eye tried to open. "John, its McKay, you have a fever and you have to try to drink something. Its grape flavored and probably really nasty but you have to drink. Can you hear me?" Rodney said authoritatively... John moaned again, barely able to acknowledge his friend. "I am going to put a straw in your mouth and I want you to start to drink slowly, OK?" Another moan passed his lips, and his left eye rolled back and fought to focus on Rodney. The tubing slipped gently into his mouth just next to his tongue. Much to his disbelief, Rodney watched as John pulled liquid through …"Wow! Really? Ah, keep going, you're doing it!"He exclaimed_. _Rodney helped the flow along slow but only as steady as John could draw it in. As obvious as it was that John was not completely present, he was dearly trying to manage breathing and swallowing, one after the other... Rodney focused on the moment, feeling gratitude that they had gotten this far. The bottle was nearing empty after twenty minutes. John had been silent and struggled to stay awake the entire time.

"Let the poor man rest Rodney! That's enough for now. Go again in an hour."

"John, you did great. We will need to keep doing that, ok? Sleep. It's ok. I am right here." A small sound of understanding caught in John's closed mouth as he succumbed to the undertow of his personal oblivion. It was a relief to the both of them.

Rodney drank down some water and started on another Power bar, making sure to meter them out. He needed to keep his blood sugar remotely stable. He was sure death could come from a multitude of directions, but starvation seemed most likely. He finished it off and cautiously opened the rear hatch. He had been unable to locate the life signs detector, so he attempted to summon his off world instincts and feel out the situation. After convincing himself that it was safe, he holstered John's side arm on his own thigh and trudged around the bank to finally assess the jumper. The damage to the jumper was astounding. "Memo to self…screwed does not cover it…We are definitely not going anywhere."He mused as he noticed that one of the drive pods had sheared off and rested twenty feet away in a tree. The other was buried in the yuck at the base of the cabin. They had crashed a path through a shallow swamp, sliding on their belly for some distance until the jumper was stopped by a narrow slalom of stumps and the omnipresent javelin of a tree now filling half the jumper. _'Not_ _bad considering we came down from a high orbit_,' he remembered. '_John is an amazing pilot,'_ He thought_, 'only to be foiled by a stupid log the last few feet.' _As far as he could see, murky wetlands extended in every direction, surrounding them with water of unknown properties. The only life he could sense seemed reserved to iridescent insect like creatures skipping just above the waterline and crawling about... '_Sheppard will be so pleased, considering his fondness for bugs._' He waxed sarcastically to himself. The sky was a feeble pea green with a few stars peeking through. Rodney found it to be creepy, to say the least. Having completed his mission, he made a quick retreat, watching where he stepped.

Rodney spent the rest of the day working on the communications array, trying to send a stronger signal, and every hour tried to get John to drink. The latter was admittedly much easier although the going success rate was one out of four tries. As the sun started to sink behind the jumper, Rodney, with his head buried in wires lay under the cockpit dash, swearing not so quietly to himself.

John began to move, his hand at first, coming up to his face in confusion. He hurt head to toe, and breathing seemed impossible. His chest felt like it had been crushed like a beer can. His working eye noticed traces of blood on his distorted arms. He could taste it with his dry and gritty tongue. A familiar pain was pushing on his abdomen… "Anny...one…whhhere amm I?" He slurred, his voice dropping off quickly.

Shocked by the sound, Rodney rolled out and sat up nearby. "Sheppard? You awake?" He scrambled over to John searching him for any sign of fever. His skin was dry and he seemed semi lucid.

"Yeaah….Bah,..d idea ev..idently…" He managed with a rasp as he held his hand to his head.

"Ah, yeah about that, well, you see, we crashed the jumper on some moon and we are waiting for help. You, well you are pretty beat up, so take it easy..." John breathed slowly into his palm for a few moments, obviously in profound pain, but searching for control. _"_John? Can I get you something?"

" I ca…cahnt really… moove, can I Rohdney?" He scratched out, coughing slightly. Pain pulled his face tight.

Feeling helpless, Rodney continued, "No, not really. I think you have broken most of your ribs on your right. Your shoulder might be broken, maybe your leg, I think maybe a reasonable head wound, your face is a mess, with that fat lip and all_… _But don't worry; you have all your teeth. Lastly, you have lost a lot of blood, judging how the jumper was redecorated…God knows what else…" He said nervously.

"Areh you OK?" John whispered.

"Yeah, just a little freaked out and hungry, but I'm ok." Rodney squeaked.

"Rohhdney, I need to peeh."John said, almost blacking out by the effort. Rodney stared blankly back at him for a 'deer in the headlights moment,' pondering the dilemma… "Rohdney, I nheed….to pee nohw…. bohhttle?" He asked again, painfully but unapologetically.

"Oh, ah, yeah! Hold on…" Rodney offered, trying to appear relaxed as he fumbled for an empty Gatorade bottle. He removed the cap and slipped it into John's hand.

Eyes still shut, John slowly took it under the blanket with a groan then whispered back at Rodney, "Sorry buhhddy, it... It will just take… a moment…" Rodney averted his eyes until Sheppard cleared his throat roughly, and the bottle re-emerged from under the blanket.

Rodney took the bottle without speaking and headed out of the jumper to some distant trees. It would be the first of many trips. Rodney noticed the contents of the bottle had a cloudy orange tinge.

"Blood, Rodney. His kidneys. Keep the fluids coming..._"_ Carson's voice trailed off in his head as he dumped it out and made his way back. He crouched down, looking at John's one open eye, meeting his.

"Do we h...ave an...other bottle?"John asked quietly. As Rodney looked at him in obvious distress, John shot back with a heavy breath, "Just ki...dding."

Being Irritated by John had never felt so good. Pretending to be offended, Rodney spat back,"Damn you Sheppard!" John tried to smile but the act split his lip open again, starting a small rivulet of red flowing. John felt himself blinking out again, thankfully. Rodney turned to see him reaching his hand out to him.

"McK...ayhh…"

"Yeah John, what is it?" Rodney asked, kneeling down.

"Need to sleehhp some, K?" He said, becoming still and dropping his hand. Rodney sighed deeply, happy to know his friend was still alive and might actually make it. He didn't feel so alone now. That was good. '_Good to hear his voice, even if he sounded like a bad Clint Eastwood with a sore throat and a fat lip.'_ He thought.Rodney quietly wiped John's mouth with an unconscious tenderness, then went back to the cockpit panel and set back to work.

Another cold to the bone night was again upon them and Rodney's frustration was growing. All his efforts seemed in vain as he watched any power redistribution made to the beacon, dissipate the moment he transferred it. He had bastardized numerous parts to no avail. He couldn't boost the emergency signal but it was still working. He lay under the dash, looking at the translucent filaments with despair. His hair was sticking up and his blanket made him look like a beggar. He had eaten everything not tied down and not earmarked for Sheppard, on the off chance he would be able to eat soon. Surely, help was on its way. Maybe a day or two more….he had to keep it together and keep Sheppard distracted. It wasn't easy to know that John would lay mutely awake, paralyzed by his pain for as long as was bearable, only to pass out again from the strain. He had taken to sedating John for short periods by putting the contents of that other medicine bottle in his fluid rations. Apparently it was some kind of narcotic that Carson had insisted keeping hidden but the knowledge of it was available to only a few senior staff for emergencies. After the Iratus bug thing and having only Tylenol, a better plan was put in place. The only problem was Sheppard seemed to need more each hour and the supply was almost gone. '_Thank God for Carson. ' _He thought. _'I hope Carson's magic elixir can save Sheppard from outright agony until they get here. They need to get here.' _

Giving up for the night, Rodney moved to John and looked him over. "John, you awake?"

He was still for a moment, but whispered out, "Yeah…" He opened his eyes, the swollen right giving in and revealing his surviving gray iris. 'What's for dinner?" John asked weakly.

Rodney smiled in relief and perked up, "The power bar special…we have chocolate or peanut butter. Interested? I'll cut it up for you…or you can have it as a milkshake…sort of."

The thought turned John's already shrunken stomach. _"_Think I'll pass…You... hungry?" He managed.

"Is that a trick question Sheppard? Yeah, I am starving. My rations are gone. Help should be here soon though." Rodney offered with false optimism.

He moved so John could see him and sat down. Even in his altered state, John could observe that Rodney looked washed out and unsteady. He had been passively listening to him as he had worked on the dash, noting that he talked to himself and his hallucinations. He knew Rodney's blood sugar thing was real, even though he enjoyed giving him crap about it. He also knew Rodney was terrified and coping to the best of his ability. John was resigned to the stark truth that they would probably die this time. Well, at least he would. There was no guaranteed rescue and Rodney had shouldered the burden of keeping them both alive. Assessing his own physical state, he knew he was barely holding on. He was scared just as much as Rodney was, but he knew it wouldn't help his situation. Outside of the crippling pain, John was able to realize how proud he was of his crazy genius friend. It had always been John's job to protect him and despite all the joking and antagonism, he took the responsibility seriously. He regretted he could not be there for him now. With almost all his strength, he resumed the conversation, "Rodney, I need you to do something for me….please."

Rodney froze. "It's not a bathroom thing is it?"

John caught his unexpected laugh before it left him, hoping to avoid the pain it would bring. "No McKay…do you see that panel behind the pilot seat?"He wheezed…his hand pointing blindly behind his friend.

Rodney moved over to it. _"_What about it? It is just an access panel to the seat attachment..?" Rodney was confused…

John carefully turned his fragile head toward him. "Open it…that's an order…" John said, closing his eyes as the pain continued to build in his nearly uninhabitable body.

Rodney popped the hinge with his fingers and let out a gasp, accompanied by, "You traitorous shit! I, I can't believe…You rat bastard!" John smiled quietly behind his eyelids as Rodney saw a small personal cooler tucked tight inside. It had the word 'Sheppard' written on the face. He cracked it open to find a fat, still cold turkey sandwich, and apple and a jumbo snickers bar. The shock on Rodney's face was almost audible.

"It's… all yours buddy, …Go ahead..." John mumbled as he turned his throbbing head back toward the ceiling. John felt himself spinning…

Rodney grabbed the miraculous bounty and crawled back to John, ready to thank him for his sneaky tactic but he could see that he was gone again. Just to be cautious, he felt for John's pulse. It was still alarmingly fast. Guilt and gratitude confused him as he realized John had made an executive decision for the good of the team. Rodney was their only chance for making it out, and this was John's way of cementing some hope. He had to eat, to save both of them. He wondered if Sheppard was giving up. He couldn't handle the thought, so he did what he was best at under duress. Rodney wiped his all too familiar tears away and silently attacked the sandwich.

John was gently prodded awake to a painfully cold and dim world. Moonlight lit the landscape and an aurora high on the horizon shimmered in an eerie phosphorescence, heralding a bad omen for emergency signals and any other communication trying to be found. Rodney was next to him, blanket draping his shoulders. He smiled holding up his next installment of fluid and relief. John opened his mouth eagerly, dragging down the cool liquid in anticipation. "We don't have much left John. Just a couple more doses…this one is a little weak, but at least it will take the edge off…" John grunted in acceptance. A few moments passed, and the bottle was dry. "Do you need to sleep?" Rodney asked, concern shadowing his words.

"No, think I have had my fill… for the moment…" Within twenty minutes, the pain had receded some, but breathing was still excruciating and forced. Every word spoken felt like a dagger of molten glass in his heart but trying to connect was better than staring past the long silence that stretched out into the dark. His head felt dull and medicated. The vertigo had at least subsided.

"How bout we talk… McKay. Keep me… busy...ya know?"

Rodney felt suddenly awkward, as if he was on stage and forgot his lines… _"_Oh,…OK. Um…What do you remember about the crash. I can't seem to remember why we did."

John pushed the words out in a low voice to conserve his energy, "We were just leaving that ancient outpost. We had surveyed it for a ZPM. We found one, but as always… we were S.O.L. It was… depleted. The energy sig … something else…in atmosphere_. … _were checking it out … we were hit..._"_ John breathed slow and deep, trying to hold steady against the swell of physical anguish still on deck.

"OK, yeah, I remember…it was a dart, Sheppard. It came out from behind the planet. I remember now, you tried to lose it. You did actually; yes….we made it out beyond the planet. You were heading for that cluster of small moons in the outer rings, right?" Rodney rambled out.

"Yeah, think so,...took it out but had to land…couldn't get drive pod to work….we were go…going…for the gate ... surface…..too far. We tried to lannnd..." John fought the last word out and began to cough. His body shook hard enough to make him wail out in pain, startling Rodney to his feet... He struggled to calm himself, the searing in his body pushing him close to another black out.

Rodney eased him into a neutral position. "Sheppard, just try to relax, easy….look at me….it's not pretty, but try..." Rodney joked weakly_. _

"Ok. " John whispered then gasped repeatedly, his breathing ragged now. "Ask me stuff…I say yes or no…K?" John gritted out, outright desperate for the luxury of any distraction. The pain med didn't seem to help much this time.

Rodney was intensely fearful for John, now flushed and sweating. "All right, but if you can't hang with me just close your eyes. I have been talking to myself too much on this trip, so I probably won't notice." John nodded with eyelids at half mast. Rodney joined John in lying flat and inspected the ceiling of the damaged jumper. It reminded him of his childhood nightmares of camping in the woods. He was betting and praying that John would fall asleep soon. "Ok, here goes…"Do you think we will be grounded when we get back?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok, dumb question. Do you think Woolsey will lose the last of his hair looking for us?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish Carter would kick his ass and take over?"

"Yeah. Pay to see it.""

"Me too. Hey, stick to one word Sheppard. Do you think Zelenka misses me?"

"No."

"He does. Do you think the Wraith know were here?"

"No… McKay!"

"Do you think dragging our sorry asses all over hell and creation for Zed PM's is still a good idea?"

"Fuck no."

"Agreed, but one word answers, remember? And watch the language. You really like Johnny Cash?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Lonesome."

"What If I sang you a song…maybe one of his?"

"NO!"

"Do you think you are smarter than me?"

"Yes."

"In your dreams. Got any more food stashed?"

"Sorry."

"Ok, that was my dream. Do you regret coming to Atlantis?"

"No."

"Do you miss earth?"

"Sports…"

"That's all? I don't get it. Do you know you snore?"

"Do not…."

"Ok, that's true. Do I Snore?"

"Yes."

"Well you do talk in your sleep. Did you know that?"

"No."

"Do you know aside from Carson, even if he is a clone and that's still really weird, you are the closest friend I have?"

"Yeah. Me too..."

"Do you think we're going to get out of here?"

"Yeah..."

"Liar. Do you like blonds?"

"Ok."

"Just Ok? Really? Wow. Thought they would be at the top. They are for me. How about Brunettes?"

"Best."

"Do you have to pee?"

"Mmm...No."

John moaned out, his breathing was backlit by a disquieting gurgle. Rodney stopped, letting him rest for a few moments. _"_Rodney,…What did I say?" John asked quietly.

"What, when you were sleeping?" Rodney turned his face and looked at him. It was really intense being a foot from John's abused face. The reality pained Rodney.

John's mood shifted. A dark seriousness wash over him. "Yeah, what'd I say?" He asked again still looking up…his eyes reflecting the opiate like state now settling in.

Rodney didn't want to answer him. The last thing he wanted to do was upset him with thoughts of Elizabeth. He was a horrible liar. He went for middle ground. _"_You said something about a woman. You mumbled..." Rodney looked away quickly, hoping he would move on.

"Rodney_, _please….need to know...Whaat?" John's voice failed at the end.

" Rodney sighed as he mustered his compassion and turned back to him, "You called out forElizabeth. You...You wanted to know if she was with you…" The words hit the air softly but made John's face turn away. _"_Sorry, John, I wanted to lie, but I …." Rodney stopped, wondering what was happening.

"I miss her Rodney……" John said with a confessional tone, his voice now rough with emotion that he was trying to hide.

Rodney somberly whispered back, "I know… Me too." Rodney missed everything about her. He still couldn't imagine how John had managed. His chest was tight as he tried to focus somewhere other than John. They were silent for a spell, save for the chattering of segmented creatures outside.

John was bad at this sort of thing, but Rodney was worse. "I was ...in love …I loved her..." John's words hung above them in the quiet.

Rodney was stunned by what he just heard. He doubted John would remember, but at least he had said it out loud. '_Either he's dying on me or it's the meds…I hope for his sake it's the meds.'_ He thought. Rodney felt his chest relax as he looked stoically back at his friend. "I know." More silence, then John wearily looked at Rodney, "I was an Idiot. Waited too long..."

Rodney narrowed his eyes at his friend, "You could not have known. No one could have. Not even Lt. Col. John Sheppard. You don't have the ancient psychic gene." Rodney smiled, "Looking back, I am sure she knew John. "

"How?" John whispered faintly, his strength clearly fading.

"You really want the truth?"Rodney asked with a new found sense of duty.

"Yeah." John closed his eyes.

"Ok, fine, you asked for it…" Rodney went for broke….

"It was visible in everything you both did for us and Atlantis. Every time you two looked at each other it was an act of worship. Every time you walked through the gate, her eyes followed you and only you. Every time we had a meeting, she always let you stand next to her behind her desk, or sit in her chair. She tossed me out the first and only time I sat there… The one time I made it to a meeting short on sleep and my hair messed up she ordered a comb through it, but you? What was with that? Every time she was on the balcony we all knew to leave her alone because we knew you would end up there too and it would be a while. Chuck deemed it our secret break time. Every time you were late or missing she was beside herself. Every time you were hurt, she found any reason to stay with you. And vice versa…Carson would put out a chair just for her near your bed in the infirmary then take it away at dawn. I had to stand by the way…Every time I wandered back to my quarters from my lab in the wee hours; I would see her watching you run along the east pier as the sun rose, then slip back to her office... And don't even get me going on Caldwell! Every time he made a move against you she would rip him a new one. I always wondered, but when you do the math, it comes out the same every time. She had to of loved you too. So, deal. As much as I would like to think you're Captain Kirk, I knew you were devoted to her. We all did."

Rodney's heart was pounding from his long suppressed tirade at last free and spoken. He looked at John, fading out before him. Lowering his voice, he moved closer, "Hey, you still with me…are you ok?" Rodney could hear the rattle in John's chest as he was still working to breathe. "John, you alright?" He scanned him for any sign…

With a weak breath out John unexpectedly answered, "Better than …I've been…." His head gently fell toward Rodney, at last brought down by his magic potion and potential lack of oxygen.

Rodney pulled his wool blanket up from his knees and covered them both. If this was the last thing he had a chance to say to John, He was glad he did. John was much worse now, and Rodney was out of tricks. The sounds coming from John's chest were higher in pitch and louder. This was so far beyond Rodney's ability and resource. It was the feeling he hated most of all; Being out of control. It made him angry. That was something he had in common with John. Without realizing it, Rodney spoke out loud to the darkness trying to patch into a private connection, "Carson, you need to find us now…trust me on this…you need to save him. To hell with me. Just get your ass here and help him or tell me what to do. I can't lose him too." Grief pinned him to the floor as his awareness slowly assimilated him into a dreamless but disturbed slumber.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was humid and overcast. Dry lightning flashed across the putrid sky while its concussive rumble occasionally shook the jumper. Rodney was making a new potion on the passenger bench, crushing something in a cup and looking victorious. John came awake slow…his extremities tingled with cold. His right leg didn't register. He couldn't feel it. He could taste blood in his mouth again, bitter and fresh. The most painful sensation screaming his name was the blistering backpressure in his chest, pushing out against his fractured ribcage. The insistent rattle emanating from his core was severe now and visibly shook him as he labored to breathe. He met Rodney's eyes with a new feeling of distortion as his friend held out a spoon with an unshaven smile.

"Breakfast?"Rodney quipped as he slipped down by his side.

John was whispering to himself, appearing slightly delirious. His confusion flipped channels until he remembered the required words, "Not... yet."

"How are you feeling?" Rodney said softly, instantly regretting the question. John missed the meaning. He looked gravely weak.

John's cloudy mind cleared momentarily. "McKay,…thank you." Rodney moved in closer, fearful he was planning on leaving for good.

"For what?"

"Everything …did good job, bandages… cleaned me…carried my pee..." he finished with a small detached smile.

"Well, let's say that never happened. The pee thing…But yeah, you looked like a bum in the back streets of New Orleans after Mardi gras. Would have smelled like one too if I hadn't, you know." He said, grinning. "Thank god you haven't eaten anything…that would have put me over the edge."

John, still smiling, whispered, "Ya don't think… I 'd do it for you?"

Rodney looked at John with complete seriousness, "You would have shot me. I would have insisted."

John was strangely quiet for a second; his head jerking to the side. He replied in an ethereal tone, "I would have." Rodney noticed John's skin tone had a faint blue tint, masked by a film of moisture. Not good.

"Food?" John tried again.

Rodney was forcing his fear down, denying the clues before him and attempted a brave face, "I made sauce out of that apple you had….It has the last of your happy med in it...I think you might find it less challenging right now. Rodney knew it was probably all, if not the last and only thing he could handle. He had stopped giving him fluid in any decent quantity the night before because it would only come back up.

John looked at him, contemplating if it was worth the risk…."Ok."

Rodney spooned out a small sample and placed in into his mouth. The tart taste made him more alert. John swallowed it greedily as if inebriated and tried to reach for the cup. His right arm didn't respond, so he moved his left. The desperation made Rodney heart sick, _"_Here, let me hold the cup._"_

John took the spoon and finished it off in a minute. "Thanks…" He said, as he settled back. The sound of the thunder outside was moving off. "Rodney?"

"Yeah, what is it?" He kindly returned.

"Turn me… on my side."

Rodney stopped. _"_That's going to hurt like hell."

"I know ... water… my lungs…I need to … clear them. Breathing… getting too hard….please…" As his words sounded heavy and wet, John's eyes pleaded in earnest.

"Easy..." Rodney whispered as he placed his hands as strategically as he could on John without causing more pain and gradually turned him on his left to face the wall. The heavy blanket covering his chest fell away, exposing his damaged state. John started to breathe faster under the strain of his injuries and then it began. He coughed; slow at first, then harder, over and over, his half naked body shuddering without any sense of control. He cried out in a shrill between stolen breaths and bouts of gagging. What seemed like forever, ended in a cold sweat that coated John as he slumped back into Rodney's arms, exhausted. His head hung loose, unable to hold its self up, while tears silently pushed out, stinging his raw flesh. Mouth and eyes glazed open, he appeared lifeless. Rodney caught him and placed him back down, face up, this time with another cushion propping him up into a sitting position. Terror filled Rodney now as he looked at the wall. Abundant and foul smelling liquid streaked with rusty pink mucus pooled in a depression on the floor. '_Carson! I am losing him, please, he's leaving!'_ He raged in his head. Rodney grabbed a shop towel from the netting above and wiped Sheppard's face with trembling fingers, his own throat closed off. Rodney was holding his breath. John was frighteningly unresponsive at first, but slowly re-animated after a few minutes, a subtle blush refilling his face. Rodney sat stone quiet, sobered down to his soul by what had just happened.

Nearly closed now, John's blanched eyes tried to focus…"McKay…" John wheezed again, "If they don't…come…"

Rodney cut him off, _"_We are so not going there! They will and you will live to give me crap another day! Don't you dare you son of a bitch! " He looked at Sheppard in shock, furious that he had threatened him out of panic.

Undeterred, John persisted, _"_Please, the gate…few days walk…you have to …." John gasped in a spasm, running out of air. Rodney knew John was right. The gate could be reached, maybe by swimming… but without him. The other problem was there were a multitude of gates in this solar system. Help could come through any of them, or not. He didn't know if this gate even had a DHD let alone if it was functional.

"I'm…c...old..," John choked, as his eyes rolled back and his body went slack.

"No Sheppard! Not now"! Damn it! Stay here! John! I'm here!" Rodney yelled out as picked John up and held him against his chest. He pulled the blankets around and held on for dear life and for John. '_Nothing could be worse than this….nothing'..._He thought, distraught beyond his imagination. Closing his eyes, Rodney McKay counted every heart beat in John Sheppard's chest until he lost track to the vacuous night and his own glucose deficient delirium.

"Rodney? Rodney…can you hear me? Its Carson…Come on now…..snap to it! " Carson's voice echoed far off in Rodney's head, moving in and out of his bad dream. He wanted to reach out to it, fall into it with the hope it would bring him home. Starting as slits of white and brown, the fuzzy world came into focus…Rodney could see Carson's blue eyed face as it floated before him. Carson looked concerned, if not rushed.

'_I have lost it…completely. Probably dead. That's ok_…' Rodney whispered incoherently. He felt a rough hand on his face, warm and real. Rodney rose higher, crawling out of his fatigue induced delusion and blurted out, "CARSON!?"

"Hi Rodney...I'm here. We found you. I need you to let go of Colonel Sheppard…nice and slow…time to share...come on!" Rodney jumped as he looked down and saw John against him, unconscious but warm and alive.

"Oh, God Carson! He's dying! Help him! "He stammered as he released him carefully into the doctor's arms.

"Back board! Now!" Carson yelled as two members of his medical team rushed in and whisked John up and onto the board. Carson yelled out, "Christ! Right now! Set him up now!" Rodney tried to watch, but before he could grasp the details, John was out the door surrounded by Carson and his team.

Having been relieved of his impossible situation, Rodney felt dizzy; feeling like passing out was unavoidable as the shouting from outside faded. He was going under into the depths of an imagined sea, when he was shaken back.

Keller had stepped into the Jumper and sat down in front of Rodney. He was dazed, but starting to form a grin. "Hey, nice to see you McKay…" She said quietly, returning his smile.

"It's over?" He asked as he reached for her.

"Yeah, you did great! Carson says you saved him. He said the Colonel should have died two days ago by the looks of him. It's going to be ok." She carefully looked him over as she spoke, making sure he really was alright.

"Is he going to make it?"

"It is too soon to know really, but I think so. You bought us time…You want toget out of here?"She asked, warmth in her voice.

"No, I think I'll stay another week, you know, fix the place up!_ "_ He shot back sarcastically as he struggled to stand.

Keller helped him up, handing him a bottle of juice and smiling at a very brave man. "See, you're the same McKay, just needing a shower and a meal..."

"Meal? I think I've earned more than that!" He boasted as he staggered out with her.

Two weeks had passed in Atlantis since their return, and Rodney was sitting in a chair left by Carson. He was next to John's bed in the infirmary an hour before daybreak, face down in the blankets… John heard snoring…it was getting closer…he opened his eyes and oriented himself to the room. An all too familiar room. He felt painful and worn out, but breathing was so much easier. He smiled slowly as he saw a friendly form. The morphine pump smiled back. '_He was home'_…He thought. He gave a little laugh that stung, '_How_ _messed up is that, I'm still here?'_ He heard himself say within his achy head. He let his thoughts move about; remembering the recent if not unpleasant events….He was alive. John was convinced it was the universes' way of torturing him. His body was bandaged and braced into a locked position, and though restrictive, it was reassuring. The usual assortment of wires and tubes made their way uncomfortably in and out of his body, now warm and healing. He felt a hand on his good shoulder. It was Carson. _"_Hey…Doc." John whispered, his voice strained, almost unfamiliar due to lack of use. .

"Welcome back Colonel. You really cut it close this time. Scared the bloody hell out of us, you did." He said softly like a father speaking to a young son.

"Sorry…glad to be here...how am I?" John asked, sounding hoarse, but more like himself.

"Aye, let's see, 5 broken ribs, a fractured clavicle, tibia, right orbit, dislocated shoulder, punctured lung, an infection, internal bleeding, hypoxia, shock, dehydration, major blood loss_,_ amoderate concussion, multiple lacerations requiring too many stitches and a split lower lip. Did I miss anything?"

"Crraaap..." John groaned.

"Crap, indeed." Carson said, smiling with forgiveness. "You are going to be here a while, and don't even talk to me about going off world for a very long time…"

"Ok." John offered in submission before he remembered…. "McKay, where's McKay...is he alright?"John clutched at Carson's arm.

"Do you think _I_ am making that un-natural sound?" Carson said with a grin and looked at the foot of the bed. "I'll give you two a moment…"Carson said, slapping Rodney's back on his way out.

The bed moved and John saw the face of the resident genius. "Sheppard?" Rodney blinked innocently at him like a kid seeing Santa for the first time.

"Hey, buddy…miss me…?" John croaked.

Rodney smiled and came closer. "As a matter of fact, yes. Ronon, Teyla, even Woolsey…they have been watching over you_. _It's been hard to get a seat. Carter came by this morning."

"Carter?" John questioned confusion in his voice.

"Yeah, her and Lorne are gonna take over your duties while you recover."

"That's good…" John trailed off.

"We are really glad to have you back John,…I am glad."

John looked thoughtfully at Rodney, watching him fidget as if he had more to say. John made a move to break the tension. "You did good McKay…Proud of you…" John said with a straight face.

"Really?" Rodney asked in a humbled tone. John nodded, still looking at him.

"Look, John, I know things were extreme, and I did things…well…you saw how I can be…I don't want you to think I'm a nut job. You don't, do you? I don't want to lose …" Rodney paused, building his courage. John let him. "What I want to say is that...when you helped me through that creepy brain parasite thing a few months ago…It changed me. It changed this…can we keep this…?" He proposed with a hopeful look. John looked back, fighting a small smirk. He knew just how hard that admission was…..

"Wouldn't have it any other way McKay….and I do think you're a nut job, but the kind I want around." Rodney looked surprised, but relieved_. _"John,"

"Yep?"

"I really don't like beer."

"It's ok, I really don't like Gatorade." John said. They both smiled.

A quiet moment elapsed and Rodney straightened his posture. Regaining his polished professional demeanor, Dr. McKay was back. " Look, I was just waiting to see if you were going to make it….I have important things waiting for me in my lab…..got to get back."

"Mmmm…I see. Wouldn't be Keller, would it?" Sheppard said low, with a refreshingly sly smile.

"SSHHH! I…I'm working on that…but no. Shut up!" Rodney looked around, hoping Carson was out of earshot.

"Too bad, she's pretty."John whispered.

Rodney flushed pink, "Hey! Back off! I have dibs!"

Sheppard tried not to laugh at his ridiculous choice of words, but it slipped painfully out in a sleepy yawn. "Dibs? Don't worry McKay, I like brunettes, remember…" John offered in appeasement.

Rodney knew then that John remembered everything. He lowered his voice in a sensitive effort, "Speaking of that Sheppard,... are we ok, you know…with your…Brunette thing?" John sighed lightly as he imagined Elizabeth standing at his bedside.

"John?"

He smiled as he looked up past the ceiling and into the morphine painted sky…"Yeah, we're ok. Thanks Rodney." He said in a calm, soft voice that made Rodney relax again.

Carson drifted back in, looking fatigued but happy as always. "Gentlemen, glad you can at last visit, but it is time to let the Colonel sleep."

"So, is it official? Did I actually save him?" Rodney asked, beaming with more than enough pride for one man.

"Aye, you did indeed Rodney." Carson said, putting his hand on Rodney's shoulder.

"Great! Off I go! Night Sheppard!" he yelled over his shoulder as he bounced out of the infirmary.

John looked at Carson with a disbelieving frown. "He did that to rub it in, Huh?"

Carson smiled, "Yep! He's known these last two weeks. He was just waiting for you to be awake."

"I have been out for that long?"John asked, sounding disappointed.

"Yes, and I thought it might be longer…you're ahead of schedule."Carson stated, moving closer. "Still hurt to breathe? "

"Yeah, but not so much, not like it did. Everything hurts about the same….I'm tired." John confessed, his eyes starting to close a little. "Carson… Did he tell you…you know…stuff he had to do….to me?" John asked with a voice tainted by discomfort.

Carson looked at John thoughtfully, rocking back and forth on his heels…."Yeah, afraid so…But it worked…."

"Yeah, guess so….You know, he was talking to _you_ the whole time…..when you weren't there…if you get my drift." John said, wondering if that made a difference.

"Wouldn't be the first time…Rodney is many things, but sane may not be one of them. Loyal, on the other hand, without a doubt. Get some rest John, The details are safe. I'll be here when you wake. "

"Thanks…" John said as he closed his eyes. Carson adjusted his IV line, patted his arm and walked off into the hall with the chair from the bedside. The lights dimmed, suspending him between thoughts. A soft smile marked his bruised but handsome face. Rodney had saved him all on his own. Maybe they had saved each other; maybe in more ways than one. John drifted off, out of danger and happy to sleep for the sake of sleep. The ghosts were gone.

Fini


End file.
